Mostly Non-Awkward Ultra Chocolaty Cake

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Let’s take a look at this cake for a moment, shall we? To be noted, I was torn between calling it a cake or a pie. What is the difference between a cake or a pie? Is there a gray area of possibility in which a dessert can be in-between a cake and a pie?! I needed to know. I am a nerd ~ well, I think I am a nerd given that I love soaking up knowledge everywhere possible and am one of those people that ask, “whhhhhyyy is that?!” almost to the point in which certain individuals in my life get annoyed at me.

So, does it matter if we know what the true difference between a cake and a pie is? I would say that it depends on whether or not you are a “whhhyyyy?” sort of person. This may also be determined based on whether or not you care about food and cooking and/or baking. If you don’t care about food, that’s not good because we all require food to survive, but if you do not care about cooking and/or baking, I am not sure why you are reading this post in the first place. You may want to stop reading right now. For all others, continue reading.

CAKE: “A form of sweet dessert that is typically baked. In its oldest forms, cakes were modifications of breads but now cover a wide range of preparations that can be simple or elaborate and share features with other desserts such as pastries, meringues, custards and pies. Typical cake ingredients are flour, sugar, eggs, and butter or oil, with some recipes also requiring additional liquid (for example milk or water) and leavening agents (such as yeast or baking powder). Common additional flavourings include dried, candied or fresh fruit, nuts, cocoa or extracts, and numerous substitutions for the primary ingredients are possible. Cakes can also be filled with fruit preserves or dessert sauces (like pastry cream), iced with buttercream or other icings, and decorated with marzipan, piped borders, or candied fruit…”

PIE: “A pie is a baked dish which is usually made of a pastry dough casing that covers or completely contains a filling of various sweet or savoury ingredients. Pies are defined by their crusts. A filled pie (also single-crust or bottom-crust), has pastry lining the baking dish, and the filling is placed on top of the pastry but left open.”

These are Wikipedia’s definitions. Thanks Wikipedia for your perpetual {since Wiki’s inception, at least} almost complete reliability.

Now that we understand that pies are defined by their crusts, I think we can both agree that this cannot be called a pie under any circumstances as there will be no adding of any pastry dough casing to this recipe. It’s too delicious as is and I won’t stand for it.

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Now that we have solved that question, a valid question remains. What is the recipe for this now unquestionably accurately named cake? That is a valid question and nobody will deny you of its legitimacy, especially if you are a chocoholic like myself. If you are not a chocoholic or worse, you dislike chocolate, a) I am not sure I could ever be friends with you and b) yet again, I wonder why you are reading this blog post. If this is the case, I highly recommend leaving this page and perhaps questioning your sanity, for I don’t know how you got to this page in the first place and why you’ve continued to read this.

Also to be noted, the previous paragraph was mostly a joke. You see, I questioned myself and realized that yes, I would be friends with someone who did not enjoy chocolate because I don’t believe in anti-chocoholic prejudices. It would go against my values and I apologize if you don’t like the taste of chocolate. Yet, I still do wonder why you are reading this.

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CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT AN UNEXPECTED HEALTH BENEFIT OF CHOCOLATE!

Here is the recipe *insert real life smily face that you can’t see but now you are aware of*:

Makes one extremely delicious pie

Bottom Chocolaty Cake Layer Ingredients:

1 cup cocoa powder of choice (I used Hersey’s extra dark variety to give it an almost black, rich color)
1 (15 oz) can black beans, aim for an EPA free brand
12 medjool dates, pitted
1/2 cup oat flour (oats are naturally gluten-free)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup natural peanut butter (I used smooth)
1/4 cup water
1 tablespoon French roast coffee (or coffee of choice)
1 teaspoon cinnamon (aim for the ceylon variety)

Creamy Chocolaty Icing Layer Ingredients:

15 medjool dates, pitted
½ cup almond milk
½ cup cacao powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Garnish:

70+% dark vegan chocolate, shredded (optional)

Directions:

In a food processor, legit process every single bottom layer ingredient together. You shouldn’t have any trouble processing them all. I added the dates, cacao powder, beans and water first, processed those ingredients completely and then added the other ingredients. This worked well for me. In a lightly greased round springform cake pan with removable bottom (I used a 10 inch pan), pour in the batter and flatten the top with a large spoon. Bake for 350 degrees F for 20-25 minutes and take out of the oven and let cool for at least 15 minutes.

Prepare the chocolate icing while the bottom layer is in the oven. Combine all of the icing ingredients in a food processor or high-powered blender until smooth and creamy. Once the bottom layer is done baking and has cooled, pour the chocolaty icing on top and smooth it over the cake evenly. Garnish with some shredded dark vegan chocolate on top if desired. You can use fresh berries if you’d like!

Finally, this cake is mostly non-awkward because it’s got some awkwardness going on in the top chocolaty icing layer because icing is almost guaranteed to awkward in certain places, but the cake is mostly non-awkward if you are careful to spread the icing on decently neatly. The best cakes have a bit of awkward in them, so no need to worry.

Enjoy! ~Talia

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